


Games

by acegraysons



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Humor, M/M, This is DUMB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 07:54:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5040208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acegraysons/pseuds/acegraysons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk and Spock decide to try playing some traditional Earth games other than chess.  The crew are Not Amused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Games

"I'll have you checkmated in three, Captain."

"Are you sure, Mr. Spock?"

"Yes."

…

"Checkmate. I win, Spock."

"Indeed you do, Captain."

"Spock … how many times have we played chess?"

"One hundred and forty-two."

"And how many times have you beaten me?"

"…None, Captain."

"Don't you ever get tired of playing chess?"

"Negative. I find your method of playing fascinating, though illogical."

"So … you don't think we should try something else?"

"Do you, Captain?"

"You know what, Spock? I do."

…

"Captain, I believe most humans would call your current smile 'unnerving'."

* * *

**Poker**

"I see your ten and raise you twenty."

"Spock, you're bluffing."

"I am not, Captain."

…

"I see your fifty and raise you fifty."

"Spock, you gotta be bluffing."

"I am not, Captain."

…

"I see your fifty and raise you fifty again."

"That's it; I'm folding."

"Very well."

"What did you have?"

"Seven high."

"Spock! You  _were_  bluffing!"

* * *

**Musical Chairs**

"Jim, please get off my lap."

"Why, Spock, you should be used to this by now."

"Captain, you have lost. Please: get off my lap."

"…Fiiiiiine."

* * *

**Sorry!**

"I apologise, Mr. Scott."

"Spock! You're supposed to say 'sorry!'"

"But Captain, I am not sorry. I do, however, apologise."

"Okay, Spock. Whatever. Your turn, Mr. Chekov."

"Five. Von, two, tree, four, five. Sorry, Meester Spock. You go back to start."

"Instant karma, Mr. Spock. Yeh shouldnae 'ave taken me."

"Are you sure you regret that, Mr. Scott? The result would have been the same for you, as Mr. Chekov would have then put your piece back."

"Ach, good point. Yer turn, Cap'n."

"Sorry! Hmmm … Sorry … Spock."

"Captain, that was a most illogical move. Had you taken Mr. Scott's piece there, you'd be a mere two spaces from your safety zone. As it is, you are exactly fourty three spaces away."

"It's Sorry, Spock! 'The game of sweet revenge.'"

"I fail to see what 'revenge' you are taking on me, Jim."

" _You_  didn't come to my quarters last night."

"Captain! Not in front of the crew."

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Eet's your turn, Meester Scott."

* * *

**Poker Part 2**

"Captain, due to your erratic betting, we are out of money."

"But we still have each other!"

"That is irrelevant, as we cannot bet each other."

"Wanna bet?"

"…No."

"Wait, Spock, come back!"

* * *

**Laser Tag**

"I do not completely understand."

"It's a fake phaser. You shoot each other with it for points. Not me, dammit, Spock, I'm on your team! Look, there's Jim. He's on the red team; shoot him."

"I do not wish to shoot the Captain."

"It's a  _game_ , Spock. Just do it."

…

"Spock! You've betrayed me!"

* * *

**Camping**

"Would you like my assistance in pitching the tent?"

"No thanks, Spock. I got this."

…

"Captain, perhaps you should consult the manual."

"No, Spock, I got this."

…

"Jim, I believe you are doing this wrong."

"No! Spock, I got this!"

…

"That does not remotely resemble a tent."

"Fine, Spock, you do it!"

…

"How'd you do that?"

"Because I, as you say, got this."

* * *

**Hide and Seek**

"Bones, have you seen Spock?"

"No. Why?"

"I've looked all over the ship for him. I can't find him anywhere!"

"Have you tried comming him?"

"'Course not. That's cheating!"

"..."

"We're playing hide and seek."

"Of course you are."

* * *

**Laser Tag: the Sequel**

"Spock, stop shooting me!"

"I apologise, Captain, but I must prevent you from targeting the green base. This objective is facilitated by your choice of cover; you cannot leave without me shooting you, thus disabling you. You are trapped."

"You're on  _my_  team next time. Scotty, help me!"

* * *

**Twister: the Prequel**

"Spock! Wanna play Twister?"

"I am not acquainted with the nature of this game."

"Well you - stop laughing, Bones! - you've got one person working a spinner to tell the rest of the players where to put specific body parts."

"Oh, I know of zis game! It was inwented in Russia."

"Captain, this 'Twister' does not seem very … dignified."

"Wel, it's not - shut up, Bones - it's not  _chess_ , but it's good fun!"

"Fun, Captain … "

"Yeah! Aw, come on, Spock … Bones,  _shut up!_ "

"Jim … "

"You said you'd play games with me, Spock."

"...Very well."

"I gotta see this. I'll spin."

"Great! Thanks, Bones. And you're in too, right Mr. Chekov?"

"Aye, Keptin."

"Great! Sulu?"

"Uhhh, thanks but no thanks, Captain. I - Twister's not really my thing."

"'Kay then … Uhura?"

"Twister with you and Spock? I'd rather not be scarred for life."

"Scotty?"

"No."

"Welp. Looks like it's just us three then! … Uhura, where are you going?"

"Christine  _will_  want to see this."

"Oh … okay … "

…

"Captain, it would appear we have an audience."

"What, did the whole  _crew_  come just to see us play Twister?"

"Of course. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

* * *

**Sorry! Part 2**

"I vin! Let's play again!"

"Mr. Chekov, yeh've won five times. Don' ye think it's time f'r somethin' else?"

"No…"

"Yeah, let's play again. Scotty, Spock, come over here. We're gonna talk strategy."

"Strategy, Captain?"

"Keep your voice down. Yeah, Spock, strategy. That Russian whizkid's won enough times. Time for one of us to – what's he doing?"

"I believe he is setting up the board, sir."

"But … he's …. humming."

"Aye, Cap'n. Probably some Russian lullabye."

"Oh … kay … whatever. One of us needs to win. So we need to help each other out. Whenever possible, we take his pieces. Never each other's, even if it'll give you the advantage. Unless it helps the other, of course, somehow. Agreed?"

"Aye, Cap'n."

"Good. Spock?"

"It is not strictly logical..."

"Spock. He's won.  _Five times_. Is it logical to not let anyone else have a shot?"

"…Very well. Aye, Captain."

"Good. Let's play!"

…

"I vin! Again!"

"How … how?"

"I dunnae ken..."

"Most illogical."

"But we were all … how the hell did you  _win_?"

"Keptin, plese. I am a master of ze game."

* * *

**Twister**

"Left hand on red."

"It's already there. Spin again!"

"Right  _foot_  on red."

"But zhere ees no room!"

"Too bad. Just do it."

"You'll have to stretch, Chekov … Oh, hi Spock!"

"...Greetings, Captain..."

"Our faces are like  _right_  next to each other."

"Indeed they are."

"...Right. Left foot on yellow."

…

"Meester Spock, I vould appreciate et eef you vould get off of me."

"I would gladly comply, Mr. Chekov, if the Captain were not situated on top of me."

"Hey. I'm not movin'."

"Jim..."

"What? Spock's very comfy!"

"Keptin..."

"...Fiiiiiiine.

* * *

**Chess Again**

"Spock?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"We've tried out quite a few games now, haven't we?"

"Fifty one, to be exact."

"And you didn't seem to enjoy any of them as much as you do chess."

"That is correct."

"And I mean … I don't know … Monopoly was a disaster. That went on for weeks!"

"I still maintain that had you sold - "

"Hey! The day I sell Park Place is the day … I mean … I had such plans … "

"In any case, Jim, is there a point you meant to make?"

"Yeah! Um … wanna play chess?"

"Affirmative."

* * *

**Elsewhere**

"Vell, I guess ve von't be playing any more games vith ze Keptin and Meester Spock."

"Yeah, guess not. Oh well."

"Da … vant to play Sorry?"

 

* * *


End file.
